Okay. What ain't you telling us, Pentagon?

[DerGolgo]

This has made the news over here, multiple outlets, agency wire stuff.
Here it is in the English.

In summary:

The UN And U.S. Pentagon Are Actively Working To Save Us From Killer Robots And Zombies

Okay, okay, right right.
Protecting us from the killer robots won't be such great shakes for the Pentagon. After all, so far, the killer robots are theirs.
But they can't really be preparing for a zombie apocalypse, that's ridiculous. The Times is running canard, they are. After all, if that was a thing, all sorts of other outlets would be reporting it.

Oh.

Oh.

It's not even a new thing!

The Pentagon's guide to surviving a zombie apocalypse: U.S. military plans for how to deal with undead chickens, space invaders and VEGETARIANS
Revealed in an unclassified document called 'CONOP 8888'
Document dated April 30, 2011 is a detailed synopsis for battling zombies

This is serious! I mean, vegetarians!!

You can read the entire thing!
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They even note that atheists would be particularly vulnerable to EMZs. Evil Magic Zombis. Yes, this appears to be an official Pentagon document, detailing the potential dangers of zombies created by occult rites, and that the corps of chaplains might be the most potent weapon against them. You know it's gotta be real if they try to push religion with it!

[Mk3]

First page of the CONPLAN states it's an academic exercise. We do have some sense of humor after all, keeps us up-beat; besides, you wouldn't like us when we're angry.

[DerGolgo]

And yet, that first page also clearly states "This plan was not actually designed as a joke." ...

They sent you to pull the wool over our eyes, didn't they?! You don't wear a uniform, you wear a nondescrip black-suit and tie, admit it!

[wyckedsin]

This keeps cropping up every couple of years and has been around for a long time.

[Mk3]

I never said joke, said academic exercise. We don't joke, we just have a robust sense of humor that occasionally permeates our black suits and ties.

The problem is when you try to make a mock plan using Azzkrakistan, and the AOR map happens to be exactly analogous to say Canada, and the Canadians subsequently get hold of it, it makes for unwarranted trouble. So modelling a zombie apocalypse is, well, convenient.

It would be a real kicker for the tinfoil hatters if they got a grip on some of the tests I've written with fake answers like flux capacitor, Zero Point Modulator, naquadah generator, FTL drive, cold fusion, and other assorted malarkey to determine who hasn't paid a lick of attention in class.

[DerGolgo]

Under my tinfoil fedora, I think about the US trying to work out how to attack Canada (like War Plan Red, though that involved the rest of the Empire, also), and I wonder ... do they ever get invited to reciprocate? The countries in the mock war plans, I mean. One side works out a plan for an attack, the other side works out what they might expect an attack to look like and how to defend against it, and then both sides compare ... loser buys the ice cream!