ANOREXIA SUCKS -- ADVICE?

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Jaeger
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ANOREXIA SUCKS -- ADVICE?

Post by Jaeger » Wed Sep 23, 2015 6:00 pm

So... turns out an old (highschool) friend has "some wasting disorder" where she doesn't eat. She's trying to dance around it, but she has anorexia. She's under 100lbs, she's lost her job (at a mental hospital!) because she couldn't pass her physical, no money, etc., etc.

You get the idea. Self-destruct sprial.

I am of no actual relation to this gal but I call her sis. She has one cousin -- everybody else dead -- and cousin is, like me, busy with kids/work/life/etc. Neither the cousin nor I live close to friend. We can't babysit. We can't force-feed her cheeseburgers.

So... anybody have any suggestions? Experience with anorexia? This is a new one to me, at least this close. She's stuck with no work until she straightens out her health, but she's going to run out of money for food and rent pretty soon.

I'm even looking for "hey, have her committed here" suggestions.

Otherwise I fear this story is going to end with a trip to the ER or worse.

Thanks for any and all input.

--Jaeger


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Re: ANOREXIA SUCKS -- ADVICE?

Post by calamari kid » Wed Sep 23, 2015 6:55 pm

You know enough mutual friends for an intervention? Dunno if that's a thing for eating disorders, but I've seen it work in drug/alcohol scenarios.
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Pintgudge
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Re: ANOREXIA SUCKS -- ADVICE?

Post by Pintgudge » Wed Sep 23, 2015 7:28 pm

I am really sorry to hear of your friend's illness.

This is mental illness.

I have been too close to this with my sweetie. Not anorexia, but depression and other stuff.

What I have learned is that almost any physical illness is easier to understand if not to treat, because with a physical illness, you say "this is the problem, and that is the solution." It doesn't work that way with mental llness because the person is not able to think logicaly. It just doesn't happen. You can see exactly what will help, but the person will NOT Accept that is the thing to do.

This country is very bad at being able to help someone if they don't want to be helped, there is the " danger to themselves or others" thing, but that will just get them locked in an emergency ward and only for a limited amount of time, probably not long enough to be seen by a professional, because their workload is way too heavy.

When it comes to mental health emergency issues in our country, we are fucked.

But, you gotta try, so google anorexia help, and maybe there will be a program in her area that can help. I have heard of remissions, Your area may have some good stuff.

I wish you good luck.
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Re: ANOREXIA SUCKS -- ADVICE?

Post by DerGolgo » Wed Sep 23, 2015 8:26 pm

Crap.
That is crap situation she's in. I've got nothing to offer.
I know a gal who managed to overcome self-mutilation and anorexia herself. She did it with therapy, help of family and friends and falling in love. And it still, sometimes, lurks in the background. She would also, sometimes, self-medicate with alcohol.
Pintgudge wrote: It doesn't work that way with mental llness because the person is not able to think logicaly. It just doesn't happen. You can see exactly what will help, but the person will NOT Accept that is the thing to do.

This country is very bad at being able to help someone if they don't want to be helped ...
If it were that simple.
Believe me, it's a bit more complex than NOT accepting helpful advise, or wanting to be helped or not. Logical thought alone is not enough to bring yourself to do what's healthy. I speak from personal experience.
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Re: ANOREXIA SUCKS -- ADVICE?

Post by wyckedsin » Wed Sep 23, 2015 10:24 pm

Jeager, PM inbound

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i have personal experience with this group.

ED is not something to attempt to armchair help with. Sadly, too few hospitals and mental health facilities actually have staff trained in how to properly deal with ED. (ED is short for Eating Disorder). The basic 12 step groups out there really are not equipped to help someone who is deep into ED. They can help after, but not when the person is deep into it. If she failed a physical and the facility did not offer her treatment, that is bad.

ED is not just a Mental and Physical disorder, which it really is, the worse the mental, the more damage to the physical, as the damage in the physical rises it makes the mental even worse. You have to fix both at the same time. But, ED is also a Social Disorder. Someone who is suffering an ED or multiple EDs is constantly being barraged by Social stimuli that FEEDS their illness. Magazines, books, youtube, facebook, twitter, forums, billboards, radio, tv all of it adds into the fuel the ED uses to manipulate the person suffering. People don't see it. People don't realize that someone suffering from an ED can take a compliment like "You look really good today" and their mind flips it to mean "cause yesterday you looked like total shit!" or "That dress looks really good on you" and flips it to literally mean "But it would look better on a Mannequin".

I unfortunately am sitting by watching another family member be in denial, with all of the evidence the family had with my wife, and they are just letting it happen to her. I said my peace, and got blown off. My wife said her peace and got accused of trying to project her illness on someone else stronger than her. It is a HORRIBLE and DESTRUCTIVE disease.
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Re: ANOREXIA SUCKS -- ADVICE?

Post by motorpsycho67 » Wed Sep 23, 2015 10:50 pm

wyckedsin wrote:(ED is short for Eating Disorder)

Ah, thanks for clearing that up before it got too far. I was thinking "How did we go from Anorexia to Erectile Dysfunction..."
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Re: ANOREXIA SUCKS -- ADVICE?

Post by MoraleHazard » Thu Sep 24, 2015 6:30 am

motorpsycho67 wrote:
wyckedsin wrote:(ED is short for Eating Disorder)

Ah, thanks for clearing that up before it got too far. I was thinking "How did we go from Anorexia to Erectile Dysfunction..."
Same here. I was really confused at first.

I don't have any helpful advice, but good luck Jaeger.
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Re: ANOREXIA SUCKS -- ADVICE?

Post by guitargeek » Thu Sep 24, 2015 8:38 am

This is going to seem flippant, but I recommend Marijuana.
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Re: ANOREXIA SUCKS -- ADVICE?

Post by Bigshankhank » Thu Sep 24, 2015 8:47 am

Our son battled bulimia (binge-purge) when he was in high school and it took spending about a year with a therapist in "talk therapy" to get him over it. Find a program wherever you can, but commitment to a hospital or state facility will only keep her alive until she is released. Regardless of all the attention it has gotten on a different topic, take her to a Planned Parenthood clinic, they have programs on body image and women's health and if nothing else, could probably point her in the right direction if its not something they could help her with directly.
This will not fix itself, I'm sure you realize this, but it needs to be said. She needs clinical help.
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Re: ANOREXIA SUCKS -- ADVICE?

Post by wyckedsin » Thu Sep 24, 2015 8:58 am

guitargeek wrote:This is going to seem flippant, but I recommend Marijuana.
Sadly, it is not about "feeling hungry". It is all about false control. All the marijuana will do is make her more lethargic that she already is.

BSH brings up a good resource. A particular office may not be set up to deal directly with her issues, but may have contacts and resources that could help immediately.
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Jaeger
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Re: ANOREXIA SUCKS -- ADVICE?

Post by Jaeger » Thu Sep 24, 2015 5:58 pm

First, the sick irony here is that not only is said friend a trained shrink, but she was working in a mental hospital. They sent her home when she couldn’t pass the physical – because she was too weak from emaciation.

Let me say that again: The staff at the mental hospital where she was working as a therapist sent her home knowing that she’s wasting away, likely because she has some serious emotional issue.

Is it me or is THAT fucking insane? Instead of saying “you need help” they basically said “go away, come back when you pull your shit together.”

To be fair, she is in denial. She keeps saying “it’s not that I think I look good like this, I’m too goddamn thin, but I just can’t bring myself to eat... but I don't have anorexia.”
wyckedsin wrote:
guitargeek wrote:This is going to seem flippant, but I recommend Marijuana.
Sadly, it is not about "feeling hungry". It is all about false control. All the marijuana will do is make her more lethargic that she already is.

In fact she’s said that’s the only way she can bring herself to eat. According to her it really is about feeling hungry. (Note that I said “according to her.” I increasingly distrust her judgement and her perception of reality.) Without the Magic Green she says the food makes her nauseous.
wyckedsin wrote:I unfortunately am sitting by watching another family member be in denial, with all of the evidence the family had with my wife, and they are just letting it happen to her. I said my peace, and got blown off. My wife said her peace and got accused of trying to project her illness on someone else stronger than her. It is a HORRIBLE and DESTRUCTIVE disease.
That’s unfortunately where I’m at. Someone mentioned “doing an intervention” earlier, but no, most of our old crew is long gone and/or occupied with their own issues.
Bigshankhank wrote:This will not fix itself, I'm sure you realize this, but it needs to be said. She needs clinical help.
Abso-fuckin’-lutely agreed, but now we get to the money/insurance problems. First, she has no money. Second, it sounds like someone (prob her) fucked up her COBRA and unemployment paperwork.

She destroyed her car. Didn’t wreck it, just didn’t maintain it and the engine grenaded. So no car. This also makes doing things like grocery shopping and going to the doctor difficult. She’s already burned through too many favors with too many people.

I just keep looking at this situation and realizing just how easy it is for folks to fall through the cracks.

I'll give you a holler later, Wyked.

--Jaeger
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Re: ANOREXIA SUCKS -- ADVICE?

Post by thack » Fri Sep 25, 2015 2:56 pm

are you sure there's nothing physically wrong? i mean, IBS or at the extreme end, stomach or bowel cancer? diabetes? (my old man manifested enormous weight loss almost overnight from this).
If mj makes her want to eat, and eat, well, does she live somewhere she can get an MMJ card?

or something other than anorexia that could be causing mental deterioration? depression? some form of degenerative neurological thing?

anorexia is awful, and deadly, but usually (from my very limited experience with this) people think it's helping to not eat, or they have some other sort of body issue, and they think they look fine (as i understand it, that's part of the symptoms - their own mental image of themselves is distorted...)

not that i'm helping, but i don't know that i have anything useful.

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Re: ANOREXIA SUCKS -- ADVICE?

Post by wyckedsin » Fri Sep 25, 2015 9:19 pm

Anorexia and Bulimia are both "Symptoms" of Eating Disorders. They are not actually the Final Diagnosis. Unfortunately, too many of the mental health facilities still try and just treat them as being their own disorders. They are expressions of the same illness, just in different methods of self destruction. Too many times they take One Symptom like Anorexia, and refuse to acknowledge that this person is also practicing other forms of the same illness like Over Exercise, Bulimia, Overeating, Binge Eating, Purging (a purger will just purge without having eaten or drank anything, they make themselves throw up for the euphoric high that sets in). The fundemental core off all of these symptoms is the person exhibiting (in their mind) control over their body, which they feel they have no control over.
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Re: ANOREXIA SUCKS -- ADVICE?

Post by goose » Mon Sep 28, 2015 4:05 pm

For the sufferer, I think it's been covered above. For you, understand that you may no be able to overcome the illness. Accept that you are not the cause and you are not the cure. Further accept that all of your efforts may come to no avail and that you are not the reason for the inability of your friend to overcome her illness. Guilt is a horrible burden, especially when undeserved.
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Re: ANOREXIA SUCKS -- ADVICE?

Post by Pintgudge » Mon Sep 28, 2015 7:03 pm

Hey Goose.

What you said really made an impact with me. I've been doing my best with my sweetie for many years now, and sometimes each day is worse than the one before. Even though there is nothing more I can do, why can't I help?

Because of what you said.

I think there are others here in a similar predicament, and what you said is an important thing to hear.

Thanks.
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Jaeger
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Re: ANOREXIA SUCKS -- ADVICE?

Post by Jaeger » Tue Jan 21, 2020 6:23 am

My friend and adopted big sis Cramer died yesterday. The last I saw her was last February when we thought it was the end -- she subsequently in and out of hospice, over which time she lost one of her legs to gangrene. When I saw her she looked like a 90-year-old woman. She couldn't move her feet and hadn't in well over a year.

Instead, I'll remember her like this attached pic from our high school.

From what I understand, she had a heart attack last week and lost oxygen to her brain for an extended period. She was comatose from that point until yesterday when they removed the ventilator. She died about 2 hours later.

She was only a few days short of her 48th birthday.

Godspeed, Jenmo. I hope you found peace and that I get to see you on the other side.

--Jaeger
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Re: ANOREXIA SUCKS -- ADVICE?

Post by Bigshankhank » Tue Jan 21, 2020 2:01 pm

I’m so sorry to hear that, the loss of anyone close to us is tragic and heartbreaking. Thankfully she is at peace.
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Re: ANOREXIA SUCKS -- ADVICE?

Post by xtian » Tue Jan 21, 2020 9:48 pm

sorry for your loss. It's good that she had someone like you to care for her.
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Re: ANOREXIA SUCKS -- ADVICE?

Post by DerGolgo » Wed Jan 22, 2020 12:26 am

I still have no words. This is terrible.
If there is any kind of afterlife, I hope she is free of whatever pain drove her into that condition.
If there were absolutely anything to be afraid of, don't you think I would have worn pants?

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