UTMC

OK let me see if I get this right…(I grew up in the RCC…hell I even was an alter boy for 7 years so I know I’m going to heaven, SUCKERS!…but it’s been a while so I may be off on the pomp and circumstance of it all)….The Pope gets a list of folks that are “good” in the eyes of the church, and the Pope then chooses to “beautify” these people…somewhere on the line to sainthood…So that’s how we get the Patron Saint against stiff necks: Ursicinus of Saint-Ursanne, The Patron Saint of TV Writers: Clare of Assisi, the Patron Saints of/against syphilis: there’s 3 of them, Saints: Fiacre , George , and Symphorian of Autun …don’t know if this is a reflection on the seriousness of the disease, or the tastes of the church though…and for RV on her new carreer move we also have the patron saint of Chicken Farmers: Brigid of Ireland (It is specifically for the farmers but I’m sure it can be extended to all people involved in the poultry industry)….

Anyway, it’s fall so it’s time for the Vatican Beautifications….after hanging new drapes, the Pope chose:

An old German woman who was sick all the time and (gasp) surprisingly had visions! (Her visions supposedly being the basis of the Passion of the Christ BTW)…..the miracles attributed to her was her stigmata (which were NOT bed sores)…and some Nun prayed to her after she was dead and she got over TB…..

And Emperor Karl I , of the now defunct Austro Hungarian Empire, credited with the use of poison gas (you would think this is an automatic disqualification, but you would be wrong)…but is also credited with, I kid you not, curing a woman of vericose veins….(No, there is not a patron saint for that yet…at least none I can find)…

So, the next time you are all constipated and sitting on the pot, this is what I ask you to do. Pray to me. That way, when it goes away, I can be credited for curing you and maybe one day I could be known as Saint Michael of Kerhonkson, Patron saint of Constipation…..It will be a bit of a fight though…there already is a Patron saint of Bowel Disorders: Saint Bonaventure…he's always hogging all of the glory

Heck.....there's one guy who was eventually declared a saint by some pope or other......the reason he had originally been blessed (the pre-stage of sainthood) was for being so damn good at his job of monastery librarian!

I guess it's like with royalty wanting to marry common folk, if they want to get someone in the race for sainthood, they will find a miracle for him, dammnit!

What bothers me is that Karl 1 made it through the entire trial before the actual beatification or whatever that is called.