UTMC

It's that time of year again when I dread going out of my house. It's not the weather that bothers me, actually I find the cold bracing and somewhat pleasant. No, it's this damned holiday and everything associated with it. The sappy music that plays in the stores (seriously, here's a note to all musicians, if you're recording a "hip" version of a Christmas standard, your career is dead. You might as well go eat a bullet because it's all downhill from here. You're only a few years and a crooked manager away from standing on the streetcorner with a "Will sing for food" sign.). The crowded stores filled with people wandering doe-eyed with fear as they realize how many people have decided to give them gifts this year and desperatly searching for something that says "I give a fuck about you" for under $5.00. The crowded parking lots filled with broken bottles dropped by careless store santa's as they stagger through the looking for a large van or SUV to piss on. Yes, it brings out a seditious streak in me that makes me really enjoy getting e-mail with lists like this. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

15 Things to do at Walmart While Shopping:
01. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's carts when
they aren't looking.

02. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute
intervals.

03. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
restrooms.

04. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone: 'Code
3 in Housewares'. . and see what happens.

05. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay-away.

06. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

07. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department -- and tell other shoppers
you're sleeping over; invite them in if they bring pillows from the
Bedding Department.

08. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: "Why
can't you people just leave me alone?"

09. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick
your nose.

10. While handling guns in the Hunting Department, ask the clerk if he
knows where the anti-depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme
from "Mission Impossible."

12. In the Auto Department, practice your "Madonna look" using
different sized funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack . . and when people browse through, say:
"PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal
position and scream, "NO!...It's those voices again!!!"

And last but not least:

15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while . . then
yell loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here!"

Glad I'm not the only one who dreads this time of the year. A simple trip to the grocery store becomes a "quest for fire". I feel the need to mount a Vulcan Minigun to the front of my car, just to make it to work. Why do people become such rude arsholes with Hanukkah/Christmas/Kwanza upon us?

I tried numbers 5, 8, and 14 on that list. I got a deadpan look from WalFart employees every time.

Photo wrote: I tried numbers 5, 8, and 14 on that list. I got a deadpan look from WalFart employees every time.

I bet you this list is handed out at those video seminars where they train new employees to prepare them for "unruly customers".
Or, they are just too stupid to react in at all to behaviour that is out of the ordinary.

I've see list where you are supposed to set up a war of G.I. Joe vs. X-Men. Then take bets on it.

I did that last night. What got me escorted out was trying to use the PA to call in and air strike!!!!

(if you want to know what led me to that shoot me a PM)

Rock712 wrote:I've see list where you are supposed to set up a war of G.I. Joe vs. X-Men. Then take bets on it.

I did that last night. What got me escorted out was trying to use the PA to call in and air strike!!!!

(if you want to know what led me to that shoot me a PM)

LMFAOROTFC !! That's brilliant!

DerGolgo wrote: I bet you this list is handed out at those video seminars where they train new employees to prepare them for "unruly customers".
Or, they are just too stupid to react in at all to behaviour that is out of the ordinary.

While many times the employees truly are stupid, a lot of times they're probably trying to figure out if you're serious or not. I've done my time in mega-marts, and there are a lof of people who really, sincerely want to put m&m's on layaway.

And don't forget that they're trained to be dumb. They aren't allowed to make ANY decisions, or take ANY action without someone's say so.

So if you REALLY want to screw with them, demand to see a manager and THEN demand to get your m&m's put on layaway.

Glad you weighed in on retail hell from the employee's side. I work a part time job at a 6 store family owned recreational products business. Christmas brings out the WORST in most everybody. One of the only reasons I continue to work in this place (aside from needing the $) is that because the place is so poorly managed you can get away with almost any kind of behavior. When people act like assholes toward me...I just jerk 'em around until they leave. If they're nice and act relatively human...I'll help 'em to the best of my ability. I've had customers call me a) a smart-ass, b) a goon, c) Ned Flanders - *put it on my name tag*. Oh yeah..one of the customers called my boss a dirty jew...nice. ...and have a merry xmas.