UTMC

Ever have that day where nothing is going quite right, in fact, some things are just fucked up. Work is difficult and you’re not sure there is going to be any in the very near future? Bills piling up, you’re not where you though you should be, and so on?

I was having one of those days today. Last couple of days I’ve been dealing with some goofy matters that are frustrating. I’ll spare you the details, but it’s the stuff that impedes any forward momentum. The one step forward two steps back type of things.

Then it all changed. I was walking back to the office after picking up some lunch and my phone started ringing. A friend of mine that I hadn’t heard from in awhile. Usually, this means someone needs some free legal advice so I waffle with respect to answering the call. Got enough on my plate for today. I answer it anyway.

My friend’s 15 year old daughter took her own life.

Suddenly, nothing else seemed to matter. I have nothing to say. An odd black wall in my head with respect to how to deal with this call. I’m in my office right now, writing this and just numb. I simply cannot imagine the pain my friend is facing. In a few hours I’m heading over to his house certain to find that the universe can be awfully fucking cruel. Perspective indeed, I feel like a bitch for even thinking I have problems.

No need to post a comment.

Oh, shit.

Even at the this layer of removal, that makes me ache inside.

Good luck to you as you try and help your friend through this.

Take care.

Fucking hell.
You need anything at this end, let us know.

Rabbit_Fighter wrote:Even at the this layer of removal, that makes me ache inside.

Good luck to you as you try and help your friend through this.

Take care.

^^^^That.

Ditto to the above.

Nothing but rough waters ahead for everyone involved. Hopefully his marriage will survive it. With the big S there is a lot of blame that gets thrown around by the survivors and questions that nobody can answer.

Good luck man. This is never a good thing to hear.

That's hard.

Even so, while children can be your worst fears and your greatest hopes all rolled into one, they always will be better understood by their own parents moreso than anyone else. Your friend will have some dealing to do, but people are very resilient. Do the best you can, help with what you can to the best of your abilities and help him/her through this. It will be a long road, so be prepared for that.

I frequently see strangers and am overwhelmed with the certainty that I know nothing about them. People carry a lot of stuff around, and you'd never know it.

Good luck; sorry to hear this.

There is nothing that you can say or do that is going to make them feel any less destroyed inside. All you can do is let them know that you care and that you're sorry.

And Im really sorry that you have to face this. But life has an interesting way of showing you perspective, doesnt it?

And I know its trite, but if there is anything any of us can do for YOU, just shout it out.

What they said.

Do what you can for your friends, but look after yourself, too.

Good luck, Brothah Goose, and good luck to your friend.

I had front-row seats to that sort of situation before. There is nothing in my experience that is worse, more tragic, more painful, or more emotionally damaging. If there is something worse, I don't want to know about it.

Holler if you need an ear, you know how to find me and you know the deal.

And yes, "perspective" indeed.

--Jaeger

hey guys, i luvs you all. But really, i'm not hurt'n. Just attempting to empathize with a friend who is struggling more than anyone can know (there's much more to this man than I feel comfortable talking about). By anyone I totally include myself. I've had friends kill themselves, been murdered, and the deadpool in my life is pretty fucking deep, the shallow end was filled long ago.

Still, I have never lost a child by their own hand. Any of you that have been through this, oh fuck, I have no words just admiration that you move forward. Not sure I could.

Anyway, I only shared the story due to its impact on me. Yes, I have a bowling ball in my stomach, but it's just because that's what caring sometimes does. I'll wake up tomorrow and go to work, pay bills, love, hate, like, care, not care, make choices, etc. At the end of the day, I'll be fucking grateful that no matter how bad things may seem, a very good person has it so much worse (as do many others).

Really, this is a great time to tell people you care, you love, you need, you hurt, you appreciate . . . .etc. Corny? you bet! So fucking what. If I hadnt lost my phone last week (along with the numbers) all of you fuckers that I have a number for would be getting a call and hearing me blather on about how grateful I am to have known (err know) you.

I think it was Sisyphus who said something to the effect that it's good to think for a moment about the reality that everyone has a terrible story, event, personal tragedy in their lives that is worthy of taking into account when you're dealing with others (yeah, bad paraphrase and perhaps mis-cited, but I've been crying [a gawdamn lot] and my head isn't all there - all apoligies if i missed both).

I've been through a fair amount of shit, but I simply can't imagine this. I have no kids and that context is wholly unapproachable by me despite my analytical thought that I understand. I don't understand fuck!

I've sat and held a big grown man, who already had lost what we thought was everything (yes, "we"), who has battled cancer for for years because he needed to take care of his babies without throwing in the towel even if everyone urged him to do so, and so much more while crying. We've never agreed on anything except our mutual respect. This man is a fucking warrior of epic proportions - yet, nobody is this strong. I don't think I have every cried so much in my life.

I've been to a lot of funerals. You don't go for the dead, you go for the living. I tried to keep that in mind tonight. Really, I did. I'm here for the living I told myself. over. and over and over again. I have never witnessed such pain. never.

I just rode through an empty san francisco, fighting back tears yet trying to appreciate how wonderful (even a fucked up) life is. Fucking selfish? Yeah, it feels like it, and it is. There's no fix to something like this. No reason that makes sense. No cause and effect that perfects the equation. It's . . . it is hell. My other selfish and pathetic thought, "man am i glad it's not me."

Please, take amount and appreciate your life. I know I appreciate your life, and my own, a whole lot more tonight. Thank you all!




Godspeed Mac! I hope you have put your demons to rest and are at peace. You were loved by so many!

Goose, we should have a beer sometime, just on general principles.

What an absolute fucking nightmare. I hope I never have to fathom something like this...

Powerful post. Suicides make me very sad too and I do not even know the girl or her family. Goose, you have my prayers and very best wishes; for strength to help your friend and not to let it all hurt so much.

Goose, I didn't read more than the first couple of paragraphs of your second post.

It looks to me like you're human. Thoroughly and utterlay imperfect human.

It sucks you're having a tough time, disaster befell a friend of yours are you now question your emotional reaction. But I personally know people who would have reacted quite differently.

You're a full human being. You have my sympathies.

We do get wrapped up in our "first world problems." Last Friday night I was jolted from my sleep when the phone rang and I learned my daughter was in a car wreck. She's OK, but it does change perspective. Take care.