Fuck Snoogles: A Rant

[Rench]

First, let me say I'm cool with whichever wave of feminism we're in now. 3rd, 4th, 5th, whatever. I'm down with it. Really. Mrs. Rench makes significantly more than I do, the Renchlette is allowed to explore and pretend whatever strikes her, most days princesses, some days the garage, whatever. It's no big deal.

There are SOME THINGS though, that the man of the house should be reasonably irreplaceable for. Until now.

Mrs. Rench, at 19 weeks pregnant, demanded this gawd-awful pillow thing called a Snoogle this week. After a fair amount of searching, I found one, even in her preferred color, and it takes up half the damn bed. She loves it, and immediately contorts the thing around her, declaring it the best gift ever. I casually point out "hon, it's spooning you. You know I used to do that til you complained about being hot, me not doing it right, and then me breathing..."

So I sleep all night on what has now been reduced to 1/4 of our full size bed (I never had more than 1/3, but now with baby AND Snoogle...). At 6 AM, the Renchlette comes running into our room, half whining about a bad dream while Mrs. Rench gets in the shower. "It's ok honey, just a dream, come here..." and she dutifully jumps under my open arm. Then starts twitching. rolling around, and finally "Daddy, can I sleep on mommy's pillow?"

"umm, sure..."

"YAY!!!!" Dives into the Snoogle and passes right out.

I've been supplanted by a pillow. FML. FTW.

I'm glad I put the wood stove in the garage last year. Looks like I need to add a cot...

-Rench

[rolly]

Quit whining and just get one of these for yourself.

[xtian]

are you crazy ?! take this post off !! if all the other women around discover this thing, we'll all be sleeping on the couch in minutes !

[Bigshankhank]

My wife dreams of having Richard Hammond for a husband, so it could be worse. My advice? Get a bigger bed. Honestly, I love my wife but I need my space when I sleep. Spooning and snuggling is limited to a moment or two following coitus, after which we clean up and roll over to dream of boobs (or the Hamster). Investing in a king was one of the smartest things we have done.

[piccini9]

Breathing? You've got some nerve pal.

[DerGolgo]

Maybe it'll get better once the passenger has disembarked?

[stiles]

There's a meme going around ye olde intert00bz at the moment involving a photo of a couple spooning, and the caption goes like this:

for the woman: warmth, bla bla etc etc
for the man: a faceful of hair, a dead arm and a questionable boner

pretty much sums it up, IME


...and yes, do get a bigger bed now. You (all) need it.

[Zer0]

Quit whining and just get one of these for yourself.

I love you, Rollly. I'm gonna mystery gift that to myself this Xmess.

[Zer0]

I'm glad I put the wood stove in the garage last year. Looks like I need to add a cot...

Rench is catching on. Once the pregnation starts, we're moved to the periphery.

[Mk3]

hammock in the garage dude. or a good desk chair (reference the old man). Seriously, given the option, which you now have, a hammock beats the tar out of every cot I've ever had the displeasure of notsleeping on. also I'm adding the lightbulb emoticon because I think it looks like a vagina. no other reason at all.

[Metalredneck]

Quit whining and just get one of these for yourself.

This may prevent all that rough, unwanted spooning.