UTMC

I know 3 people who are battling cancer right now. 1 is stage 4, his prognosis doesn't look good. The other 2 are early in treatment stages. I want to help them in some way, but don't what to say to someone who is terminal. I'm at a loss, never been through that before. Wow.

That is a rough one that I've only experienced with my dad, not friends.
I'd say be there if you need them. Offer up rides to/from treatments if that is an issue. Just hang out and chat, until dad was on heavy pain meds toward the end he was going stir-crazy and having people around all the time seemed to help a lot. If you are able perhaps ask if there is anything they need help making arrangements for, this depends greatly on how close of a friend you are.

Can't go wrong with weed...

+1 to both Bo and GG.

Sounds like they don't have time to dick around with formalities. I'd be straightforward about it and tell 'em "Look, I don't know what you need. You tell me. What can I do?"

--Jaeger

Jaeger wrote:+1 to both Bo and GG.

Sounds like they don't have time to dick around with formalities. I'd be straightforward about it and tell 'em "Look, I don't know what you need. You tell me. What can I do?"

--Jaeger

Jaeger is absolutely right. Time maybe short, so don't waste it walking on eggshells. My friend Mike appreciated the direct honesty like that.

Thanks. All good advice. I like the idea of being straightforward, but try not to be a downer. Positive waves, baby.

Life is short, let's party.

Ditto on the be-there-to-soothe-stir-crazy advice. Sometimes a person dealing with ... just wants to be around other people so they don't have to only listen to themselves talk and start to question their sanity. Naturally if someone wants to be left alone honor that as well.

Narrator: Oh, yeah, Chloe... Chloe looked the way Meryl Streep's skeleton would look if you made it smile and walk around the party being extra nice to everybody.

Chloe: Well, I'm still here. But I don't know for how long. That's as much certainty as anyone can give me. But I've got some good news: I no longer have any fear of death. But... I am in a pretty lonely place. No one will have sex with me. I'm so close to the end, and all I want is to get laid for the last time. I have pornographic movies in my apartment, and lubricants, and amyl nitrite...

[the group leader takes the mic]

Group Leader: Thank you, Chloe... everyone, let's thank Chloe.

Be there. Keep 'em company. Make sure they know you're there because you want to spend time with them, not just because of their illness.
Maybe try and give them a sense of normalcy here and there. Don't be tempted to use kid gloves in all situations.

Depending on how close you are to them.
Organizing something special (seeing the upcoming movie they wanna see but might never get the chance to because of the time till release, watching the sportsteam sports train, surprise trip to band x's concert) might bring them some welcome distraction and happiness, and the comfort to know someone cares enough about them to go to such lengths to organize that.

Apart from that. Getting someone stoned and laid sounds reasonable, yeah.

Oh, and don't be surprised if they sometimes blurt out things awkward and/or inappropriate during the normal pauses in conversation.
i found that dad would sometimes use the pause to broach odd subjects.

Bo_9 wrote:Oh, and don't be surprised if they sometimes blurt out things awkward and/or inappropriate during the normal pauses in conversation.
i found that dad would sometimes use the pause to broach odd subjects.

Sounds like a typical UTMC gathering.

Toonce(s) wrote:

Bo_9 wrote:Oh, and don't be surprised if they sometimes blurt out things awkward and/or inappropriate during the normal pauses in conversation.
i found that dad would sometimes use the pause to broach odd subjects.

Sounds like a typical UTMC gathering.

Exactly!
But more personal and dire...

Also, if you offer to take care of something for them DO IT IMMEDIATELY and without hesitation.

Keep treating them as a person and not an illness. It doesn't sound like you are, but someone else who reads this may not realize they are. Be cognisent of their limits but don't hold back because of the limits. Think up ways to incorporate the limits into your activities. Take them to a zoo, but keep in mind, they may need way more breaks so be cool with them. Ask them what their bucket list is and see if you can find something on it that you can make happen. Don't be afraid to reach out to others to help with that bucket list. I am not saying make everything happen or something major, but everyone has a small thing on their list that they just never got the chance to do that you moght be able to make happen. A friend of mine wanted to fly in a hot air balloon. I reached out to some local companies and one offered to let them fly for half price, so I got some other friends together and we came up with the cost for her. We paid for her and her sister to go. Not one of us who paid went. We let it be theirs, but when she passed, her sister made sure we knew how much it meant that we let it be "hers" and not "ours with her along" if you get my meaning.