For the ladies of the UTMC...
Posted: Tue Apr 27, 2004 12:23 pm
Just got this from a friend. Having been dating a bit of late, I found this quite amusing...
Dear ________, I regret to inform you that you have been
eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably
aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of
well-qualified such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition.
(Check those that apply...)
___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it,
hyphenating
it, or subjecting my children to it.
___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not
something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.
___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left
MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter .
___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20
questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about
myself.
___Your constant e-mailing shows me you have TOO much time on your
hands.
___You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be
beaten up
repeatedly at recess.
___You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck
condition from trying to kiss you.
___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent
slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in
conversation.
___You still live with your parents.
___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star
Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.
___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead
me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.
___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking
in
a long-term partner.
___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If
you should however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches,
please
resubmit your application.
___I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.
Sincerely, _________________
Dear ________, I regret to inform you that you have been
eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably
aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of
well-qualified such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition.
(Check those that apply...)
___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it,
hyphenating
it, or subjecting my children to it.
___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not
something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.
___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left
MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter .
___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20
questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about
myself.
___Your constant e-mailing shows me you have TOO much time on your
hands.
___You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be
beaten up
repeatedly at recess.
___You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck
condition from trying to kiss you.
___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent
slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in
conversation.
___You still live with your parents.
___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star
Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.
___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead
me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.
___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking
in
a long-term partner.
___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If
you should however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches,
please
resubmit your application.
___I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.
Sincerely, _________________
