It's that time of year again when I dread going out of my house. It's not the weather that bothers me, actually I find the cold bracing and somewhat pleasant. No, it's this damned holiday and everything associated with it. The sappy music that plays in the stores (seriously, here's a note to all musicians, if you're recording a "hip" version of a Christmas standard, your career is dead. You might as well go eat a bullet because it's all downhill from here. You're only a few years and a crooked manager away from standing on the streetcorner with a "Will sing for food" sign.). The crowded stores filled with people wandering doe-eyed with fear as they realize how many people have decided to give them gifts this year and desperatly searching for something that says "I give a fuck about you" for under $5.00. The crowded parking lots filled with broken bottles dropped by careless store santa's as they stagger through the looking for a large van or SUV to piss on. Yes, it brings out a seditious streak in me that makes me really enjoy getting e-mail with lists like this. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
15 Things to do at Walmart While Shopping:
01. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's carts when
they aren't looking.
02. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute
intervals.
03. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
restrooms.
04. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone: 'Code
3 in Housewares'. . and see what happens.
05. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay-away.
06. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
07. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department -- and tell other shoppers
you're sleeping over; invite them in if they bring pillows from the
Bedding Department.
08. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: "Why
can't you people just leave me alone?"
09. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick
your nose.
10. While handling guns in the Hunting Department, ask the clerk if he
knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the theme
from "Mission Impossible."
12. In the Auto Department, practice your "Madonna look" using
different sized funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack . . and when people browse through, say:
"PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal
position and scream, "NO!...It's those voices again!!!"
And last but not least:
15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while . . then
yell loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here!"
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Because the board got shutdown again because of a load of database, I had to fettle with the settings again.
As part of that, the server no longer stores what topics you have or haven't read.
IT IS STILL RECORDED!
But now, that information lives in a delicious cookie, rather than the forum database.
Upside: this should reduce the load of database.
Downside: if you use multiple devices to access the board, or you reject delicious cookies, you won't always have that information cookie. But the New Posts feature should take care of that.
PLEASE NOTIFY THE ADMINISTERRERRERR ABOUT ANY PROBLEMS!
2024 LOGIN/Posting ISSUES
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If you cannot Debauch because you get an IP blacklist error, try Debauching again time. It may work immediately, it may take a few attempts. It will work eventually, I don't think I had to click debauch more than three times. Someone is overzealous at our hosting company, but only on the first couple of attempts.
If you have problems logging in, posting, or doing anything else, please get in touch.
You know the email (if you don't, see in the registration info below), you know where to find the Administerrerrerr on the Midget Circus.
Some unpleasant miscreant was firing incessant database queries at our server, which forced the Legal Department of our hosting company, via their Abuse subdivision, to shut us down. No I have none.
All I can do it button the hatches, and tighten up a few things. Such as time limits on how long you may take to compose a post and hit Debauch! As of 24/01/10, I've set that at 30 minutes for now.
To restrict further overloads, any unregistered users had to be locked out.
How do we know who is or isn't an unregistered user?
By forcing anyone who wants in to Log In.
Is that annoying?
Yes. But there's only so much the Administerrerrerr can do to keep this place running.
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Shopping fun
-
Ames
- Megachiroptera Übermench
- Location: Denver, CO in MY OWN DAMN HOUSE!
- Contact:
Shopping fun
Cheers,
Ames.
Whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you...stranger!
Quid Ita Serius?
You never know how much you appreciate your civil liberties until they've been violated.
Ames.
Whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you...stranger!
Quid Ita Serius?
You never know how much you appreciate your civil liberties until they've been violated.
-
Photo
- Bacon Torpedo
- Location: Aurora, CO
Glad I'm not the only one who dreads this time of the year. A simple trip to the grocery store becomes a "quest for fire". I feel the need to mount a Vulcan Minigun to the front of my car, just to make it to work. Why do people become such rude arsholes with Hanukkah/Christmas/Kwanza upon us?
I tried numbers 5, 8, and 14 on that list. I got a deadpan look from WalFart employees every time.
I tried numbers 5, 8, and 14 on that list. I got a deadpan look from WalFart employees every time.
"Brought to you, by Carl's Jr."
-
DerGolgo
- Zaphod's Zeitgeist
- Location: Potato
I bet you this list is handed out at those video seminars where they train new employees to prepare them for "unruly customers".Photo wrote: I tried numbers 5, 8, and 14 on that list. I got a deadpan look from WalFart employees every time.
Or, they are just too stupid to react in at all to behaviour that is out of the ordinary.
If there were absolutely anything to be afraid of, don't you think I would have worn pants?
I said I have a big stick.
I said I have a big stick.
-
Rock
- Superfudge!
- Location: East Coast
- Contact:
-
Ames
- Megachiroptera Übermench
- Location: Denver, CO in MY OWN DAMN HOUSE!
- Contact:
LMFAOROTFCRock712 wrote:I've see list where you are supposed to set up a war of G.I. Joe vs. X-Men. Then take bets on it.
I did that last night. What got me escorted out was trying to use the PA to call in and air strike!!!!
(if you want to know what led me to that shoot me a PM)
!! That's brilliant! 
Cheers,
Ames.
Whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you...stranger!
Quid Ita Serius?
You never know how much you appreciate your civil liberties until they've been violated.
Ames.
Whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you...stranger!
Quid Ita Serius?
You never know how much you appreciate your civil liberties until they've been violated.
-
smashinator
- Barista of Doom
- Location: Rancho Relaxo
While many times the employees truly are stupid, a lot of times they're probably trying to figure out if you're serious or not. I've done my time in mega-marts, and there are a lof of people who really, sincerely want to put m&m's on layaway.DerGolgo wrote: I bet you this list is handed out at those video seminars where they train new employees to prepare them for "unruly customers".
Or, they are just too stupid to react in at all to behaviour that is out of the ordinary.
And don't forget that they're trained to be dumb. They aren't allowed to make ANY decisions, or take ANY action without someone's say so.
So if you REALLY want to screw with them, demand to see a manager and THEN demand to get your m&m's put on layaway.
-
deaconblooz
- Magnum Jihad
- Location: Chicago - suburban
Glad you weighed in on retail hell from the employee's side. I work a part time job at a 6 store family owned recreational products business. Christmas brings out the WORST in most everybody. One of the only reasons I continue to work in this place (aside from needing the $) is that because the place is so poorly managed you can get away with almost any kind of behavior. When people act like assholes toward me...I just jerk 'em around until they leave. If they're nice and act relatively human...I'll help 'em to the best of my ability. I've had customers call me a) a smart-ass, b) a goon, c) Ned Flanders - *put it on my name tag*. Oh yeah..one of the customers called my boss a dirty jew...nice. ...and have a merry xmas.