A vacation and American cuisine...

[DerGolgo]

So, I'm on a vacation. Not a "I'm going to Disneyland!" vacation, but a culinary vacation. Every ten pounds down, I take a two or three day break from my diet and just eat anything that takes my fancy, satisfying the desires that I've denied myself. Before you ask, I'm about 45 pounds down since the spring, off the 100 I had regained after the accident.
I also had to go grocery shopping, and in the big-box store, I walked through the "international specialties" aisle. Between Asia and Mexico, there's America. And, hidden under an inordinate selection of Swiss Miss, Paul Newman Dressing, half a dozen different BBQ sauces and, surprisingly, only a single flavor of pop tart, I spotted Beef Jerky.
I had seen it often enough, had been tempted a few times, but never enough. It's ridiculously pricey. For scale: a kg of filet mignon, the pointy bit of the tenderloin, will go for about € 25, € 22 on special offer. But not that much more, either. This stuff? € 2.49 ... for 25 grams. That's € 99.60 per kg. That works out as $ 3.36 for 0.9 ounces. Is it quite that prices over on your side of the pond?
The brand of this stuff is "Jack Link's Meat Snacks", the product name is "Beef Jerky SWEET & HOT".
And I've just tried it. For the first time in my life, I've tasted what I've heard mentioned in US pop culture for some 30 years or so now. This in particular is, indeed, sweet, and it's hot, too.
I'd like to meet Mr. Link now, though. I'd like to stand in front of him, grab his shoulders for a vigorous shake and, at the top of my voice, ask him Why do you hate beef? What has beef ever done to you?
Seriously. I thought the first bite perhaps just wasn't so good and reached into the bag for another bit. I actually spat that one out.
I don't have eclectic tastes, I don't think. I generally prefer the simpler forms of food. In that way, I'm particular as to how I like my meat. Cooked. With some (but not many - much, sure, but not many!) spices added before or after, as the cooking method requires. Yep, that's a tasty dish, that! But this???

And if that wasn't enough, it wasn't the only less-than-satisfying experience I had with American cuisine today. Because I also went into a Burger King. They had many tasty looking things on offer, but I only wanted something small, but with variety. So I got a Chilly-Cheeseburger and a Bacon-Cheeseburger. I don't know what had me expecting otherwise, but they were the flappy excuses for burgers the big chains do so ... well, they don't do 'em well, do they.
So, I used to opportunity of grocery shopping, I did.
Burger buns. Salad. Onions ... roast onion! Bbq sauce. Cheese. The aromatic, northern stuff, Sylter cheese. Hm, tastes lovely melted, that. Not too aromatic, but enough. And the meat, of course. Ready-made burgers. 6.3 ounces of Black Angus. Oh yes
I already had burgers today, so I won't make this before tomorrow or sunday.
But I have an important question. You 'mericans, as much as we Europeans often like to malign your cuisine, you have made some grand contributions. Including one which I particularly appreciate as an atheist. The Bacon-Cheeseburger. How can anything so delicious violate not just one, but TWO dietary restrictions? What cruel god could prohibit something like that?? If there is any evidence that religions are man-made, it must be this. This isn't supposed to be a dig against Judaism in particular - any other religion that grew from that must consider this, also, be it Christianity, Islam, Mormonism or whathaveyou.
So ... I do have the fridge full of bacon, since that is what generally constitutes my low-carb breakfast. Should I add any to the burgers I will be making? This would put the count of porcine and bovine contents to no less than a half pound, I don't even know whether I could handle so much in a single serving (when not "vacationing", I'm on under 1400 kcal per day, though I do eat more carbs than I should). Also, I'm quite determined to use the roast onions. Would they go with bacon?

[Mk3]

The key element that you seem to be missing about American cuisine, that one effect that we oft take for granted, yet somehow constantly crow about in our entire culture....freedom.

Do exactly as you damn please.

and eat the hell out of it--and the fuck with everybody else

------

that said, save a few strips of bacon for the burger, and it will violate Judaism, islam, hindu, possibly buddhism (can't remember) and I think the law of the sea.

If you really want to get it right but oh so wrong, go to epicmealtime on youtube

[guitargeek]

Jack Links is shit.

Do a search for "Ralph's Circle R Beef Jerky". It's made in Perkins, Oklahoma, out of good Christian cattle.
It's expensive, $27 a pound, but if you want to try good jerky, this is the real thing.
Ask AZRider or Stiles about Ralph's...

[DerGolgo]

Hm.
Is it fundamentally different, or "just" better?
I've actually managed to find a beef-jerky mail-order company, who do beef jerky and only beef jerky, don't you believe it. They don't do "Ralph's", but have a whole bunch of other brands. Are any of the ones on the left of this page here any good?
The only references to Ralph's I've found with the likely German search terms are for individual's facebook pages, not concerned with the procurement of beef jerky for jerries.

[guitargeek]

Hm.
Is it fundamentally different, or "just" better?

It is fundamentally different, not soft or moist or reconstituted. Real jerky is like shoe leather, it is dry and difficult to chew. You should have to be cautious when biting into it, so that you don't loosen a tooth.

http://www.ralphspacking.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[Bigshankhank]

Ralphspacking. Heheheh

Yeah, Jack Links is garbage, don't judge jerky by that mass produced crap. I don't know if GG has a Buckys near him, but they make some awesome jerky. To look at the place, one would think it was a truck stop, but in fact 18-wheelers are not allowed.

[Sisyphus]

Why do you do this to yourself?

[12ci]

I do have the fridge full of bacon {...} Should I add any to the burgers I will be making?

Also, I'm quite determined to use the roast onions. Would they go with bacon?

yes and yes and yes and yes

[MATPOC]

Beef jerky is dried beef, smoked and seasoned out of necessity to preserve it, some of it is good, especially with beer. In Russia we have salted and dried fish that is a good equivalent: goes well with beer, but it is acquired taste. It's not same as that dried cod Italians make, but I'm sure all of it goes back to lack of refrigeration and a need to preserve food. Developed by generations, mostly natural, not always healthy.

Slim Jim and few others (never tried Jack Link but suspect they are same) make something out of cardboard and infuse it with spicy jerky flavored oil or some crap, total crap, but the commercials is what sells it, while some food engineers and chemists come up with a cheapest nastiest tasting crap that complies with FDA regs.

[guitargeek]

Slim Jim is to beef jerky as Bud Light Lime is to beer.

[MATPOC]

I think Bud is closer to beer than Slim Jim to ANY food.

[guitargeek]

Slim Jim is to beef jerky as ethanol is to gasoline?

[DerGolgo]

Why do you do this to yourself?

Do what, exactly?

[calamari kid]

Why do you do this to yourself?

Do what, exactly?

Jerk your own meat...er...It's not hard...um...yeah.

But seriously, making jerky is pretty straight forward. Start with the leanest meat you can find, cut into thin strips, season to taste, dry in a smoker/dehydrator/oven. My favorites have always been venison or lake trout prepared with a fairly simple brine and cured in a smoker. Google around and I'm sure you can find plenty of instructables or whatever.

[Sisyphus]

No, seriously, why do you go on an American "cuisine" binge if you're trying to shed weight? There are a few things I would consider distinctly "American" as far as food goes, none of which I eat nor would I recommend to you or anyone else I like.
Wonderbread
Beef jerky
McDangerous
Burger King
Cotton candy
Corn dogs
Fluff
Kraft Mac 'n Cheese
Hamburger Helper (w/ apologies to Jaeger)

[DerGolgo]

Thus far, the "American cuisine binge" has consisted of a meal of two small Burger King "burgers" with a serving of six onion rings and, later, two bites (literally, no more) of beef jerky. And some Ben&Jerries, I'll admit. Well, a lot of Ben&Jerries. If eating a whole pint of ice cream is binging than, yes, I did binge there.
I'm not an an "Ameircan cuisine binge". I'm taking a break from being on a diet. Not that I'm obliged to justify myself about this, but I do this because I know myself. I know how I react to temptation, I have lived with my very own eating disorder for something like thirty years now. I've had a problem with food since I was a little kid, I just couldn't say now, couldn't figure out when to stop or how much was too much. I have managed to loose 150 pounds once, and when I did that, I figured out a few things about myself. Denying or disregarding one's own weaknesses, just deciding that those no longer apply, is a great recipe for failure and disappointment. I know this, I've tried it, I did try to slim down on a number of occasions over the last fifteen years or so. It only worked once I figured out how to work with, and thus defeat, my greatest adversary in this - myself.
I know how I'll react not just to temptation, or to giving in, or to allowing myself a little lapse now and again. I know how much self-control I can realistically exercise, and for how long, I have learned how to keep my unhealthy desire for food in check. One of the ways I do this is by allowing myself, every now and again, to forget that self control, to just do what I please and eat what takes my fancy. For just a two or three days, not longer. And only when I've reached a pre-determined goal. I reached that goal and so I reward myself. When I go through the grocery store and walk past all those delicious things that had given me emotional support during most of my life, when those things call out for me, tempt me, having something to look forward to, being able to say "Yes, but only once I've gotten to that point." helps me keep myself in control. I won't try and present myself as a champion of willpower, I am not. But I don't just admit this to you, I admit this to myself, which is what counts when trying to work around that problem. Which this does for me. Come Monday, I'll be back on staying under 1400 calories per day. For the next 10 pounds. And going back won't be a big problem, either. For one, you can't pick up new habits in just three days. For another, eating what I want and how much I want reliably teaches me an important lesson every time I do this. The feeling of satisfaction that my hind brain conjures up when I see something that tempts me when I'm on the diet, that feeling of satisfaction isn't there to be had. Food is nice, but not as nice as it appears when I deny myself. Knowing that helps with denying myself the quick gratification.

And I'm not trying to loose weight. I am loosing weight. Not this weekend, but last week, and again next week. I don't need to loose weight every day as long as I loose enough weight on most days. You know what happened on Thursday? I put on a clean sweatshirt. Not a particularly noteworthy event, except that I hadn't been able to wear this sweatshirt for over two years. On account of it being XL. It's not even a tight fit now, unlike my XXL clothes were in the spring when, most days, I'd wear some of the few 3XL things I kept around after my last major weight loss. While explaining how much weight I've actually lost this way, as I did in the first post, evidently didn't impress you, perhaps clothes sizes do. Form 3XL to XL in less than a year.

I'm sorry if I sound a little aggressive, but I am. I get this from all corners, regularly. If I eat like I want to, it's wrong, I'll be the first to admit that. If I eat so that I loose weight, I'm told it's wrong, also, for any number of reasons. By doctors. Who'll happily contradict one another, of course. The only method of nutrition that anyone appears to approve off is however they, themselves, eat. But they, themselves, don't have to and never had to fight massive obesity, aren't even trying to loose serious weight. If I eat like those people, I don't loose weight. I know, I've actually tried. The thinking appears to be "I'm thin, so I must be doing it right!". Of course, this is the rationale of people who have never walked in my shoes for five minutes. I know my own shoes, know them quite well now, and I know how I can not just loose two pounds and then plateau, but how I can loose a whole person worth of excess weight. I've done it before, and the results I got from that, from two years of hard fucking graft, were ripped away from my by an evil fucking bitch. I felt good when I would walk down the street, see a thin person I didn't know and took a moment to realize I was looking at my own reflection in a store window. I want to feel like that again. I know what I must do to not just move in that direction, but to keep moving until I reach that goal. This includes making sure the base urges that got me obese to begin with must, occasionally, be satisfied, so I can sit on them the rest of the time and keep them from ruining this for me. This is how it works for me. And unless you have done this yourself, dieted yourself from a multiple-decade obesity to actual textbook weight, unless you have managed to pick a fight with yourself like that and known the outcome, even if you weren't victorious, unless you've actually gone and done that, you don't get to judge what I'm doing in any other way but by the results. I've recently had a medical professional tell me how proud he was of dropping twenty pounds in a year. In contrast, a method that got rid of more than twice that in considerably less time, appears to indicate a certain efficacy.
And before you go wild about a healthy diet. I'm binging every day and all the time - on vegetables. I also eat fruit, but not in quite as large amounts. I am probably not getting enough dairy most of the time, which is why I'm taking a calcium supplement every other day. I've done this before, under close monitoring by medical professionals, and try as they might, they couldn't find any evidence of vitamin, mineral or other deficiencies. I know what I'm doing because I've actually done it once.

I don't wish to offend or antagonize you, make accusations or try and portray you as some wicked person with what I have written here.
I merely felt the urgent need to clarify how your remark came across, and why it aggravated me a bit. I don't know whether you have ever gone and dieted yourself from severe obesity to "normalcy", and if you have, I apologize for any accusation of ignorance of the challenge I have made. But my point stands. I do this when I'm loosing weight because I know it works for me. It's my weight, and I am loosing it, so the only yardstick apart from certain medical considerations that is of any interest is that. Whether it works for me. I respect your opinion and bow to your wisdom in all things maritime or regarding rope and knots. But this, my weight-loss, is my own area of expertise. And with the never ending stream of humiliations, criticism, mockery and disrespect I've had in that regard over the past two decades at a minimum, I get tetchy about it. Especially if that knowledge and skills I have acquired here through nothing but my own hard work and experience are questioned by people who's opinion and esteem I generally care about.

[guitargeek]

http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2011 ... ied-steak/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[DerGolgo]

Cooking? I've always been fascinated by that, it looks exciting! I've done things that look like it, but judging by the results, what I did wasn't cooking, unfortunately ...

[guitargeek]

Cooking? I've always been fascinated by that, it looks exciting! I've done things that look like it, but judging by the results, what I did wasn't cooking, unfortunately ...

It's easier than you think. I've eaten amazing meals that were prepared by extremely stupid people. I know that, if you apply your formidable intellect to the task, you'll soon be a good cook.
Chicken fried steak is a staple in these here parts, I recommend that everyone enjoy one at least once in their lives...

[MATPOC]

Chicken Fried Steaks at D00M '14! That's a worthy goal, GG and DG cooking in the parkinglot!

DG, you want something Authentically Meriken (with a D00M twist?) How about that thing Jager loves, Scrapple? It's ground up pork snouts and arseholes, seasoned, formed in some shape and grilled, I have it every D00M, once year tradition. Healthy as anything they serve here, also an acquired taste but probably easier to get in to it than... let's say sea-weed (I eat that too)

[DerGolgo]

Hm, lunch.
Definitely an unquantifiable amount better than the bourgeois, royalist pap the capitalist overlords are distributing. Vive le cheeseburger de la révolution!!
It looks a little lopsided, and you can barely see the cheese, since I didn't pile the lettuce on quite evenly, the patty settled at an angle and most off the cheese flowed off to one side.
I decided to go without bacon. But I have another patty, and another bun, and some more of all other ingredients. And at some point, I'll want dinner, so I still might.

[Mk3]

That sir, is one fine looking cheese burger. Worthy of Bacon. would go well with a five dollar milkshake.

[JoJoLesh]

.... Would they go with bacon?

The answer to this question is always yes.

[xtian]

I tend to think that the secret of hamburgers is the cheese has to be just soften after resting a moment between cooked meat and warm bums, but not fully 3 miles island melted into goo. And I cook the meat in an cyclonic halogen oven so that you don't have to add and burn any grease. But I'm still experimenting with sauces, and hats off for the weight loss. Seems like it is a new recurrent topic here together with child education.

[DerGolgo]

I tend to think that the secret of hamburgers is the cheese has to be just soften after resting a moment between cooked meat and warm bums, but not fully 3 miles island melted into goo. And I cook the meat in an cyclonic halogen oven so that you don't have to add and burn any grease.

Ah, you see, there's your problem.
When you make a burger, you cook. You do cookery.
I don't do that.
I collect together the raw materials. Cut what needs cutting. Buns, veg, etc.
I do heat-treatment to what needs heat-treatmed. Buns, again, and the patty. And the cheese, I like my cheese all three mile island.
Then, assembly, using the appropriate lubricants and adhesives (sauces).
Making a burger doesn't need cookery. It's engineering!

And I cook my meat in a regular old table-top el-cheapo electric oven. No added grease, and I can slap the cheese on with plenty of time to achieve the desired consistency. Melting the cheese brings out the aroma, I think.

I ended up not using the bacon. Like I said, this is my vacation, I eat what takes my fancy. And, with bacon being my regular old breakfast, it didn't much take my fancy today. But I replaced the bbq sauce for my dinner burger. Special sauce. Well, honey-mustard salad dressing, actually, because I had that in the fridge and the fancy took me. Went rather nice with the meat, I think.

[guitargeek]

WHO THE FUCK ADDS GREASE TO HAMBURGER??

Look, y'all, just get a Foreman Grill.

And the key to a great burger is to start with good meat! Everything else is just dressing it up.

[guitargeek]

Also, honey mustard on a burger is just gross. Get some of this:

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[xtian]

cooking, you'll get to it. It's like music, you don't just throw all the notes all together on the piano and wish for a symphony; there's tempo, rhythm, timing, melody, accompaniment, contrast, high notes, taste, textures, smell, temperature... bacon... I think I'm hungry again.

[guitargeek]

As I type this, my lovely niece is in the kitchen, trying her hand at the chicken fried steak recipe that I posted above.

You gonna let a little girl beat you at this cooking game?

[Bigshankhank]

As I type this, my lovely niece is in the kitchen, trying her hand at the chicken fried steak recipe that I posted above.

You gonna let a little girl beat you at this cooking game?

Shit, my wife is an awesome cook. Fifteen years of being a single mom kind of forced her to learn how to economize, and now I get some killer home cooked meals when I come home from work.

Bigshankhank - 1
World - 0

She has, however, taught me a good number of simple recipes. Cooking aint easy, but its necessary.